Heidi Rider — Projects

I have moved more than 40 times in my life. I’ve lived in seven different states, attended eleven different schools, and was home-schooled for three years. For an entire year in high school, I ate my lunch alone in a bathroom stall. Having frizzy hair, wearing hand-me-down clothing and speaking with an out of state accent didn’t make me any friends, but it sure as hell taught me how to use comedy to deflect shame and rejection.

When starting over as the perpetual new girl becomes a regular part of your life, you learn how to make it work for you. I grew up afraid that people would stare at me, or single me out as a weirdo and laugh at me. Now, in my performances, I deliberately place myself in those vulnerable and terrifying spaces and we share it together. I work almost exclusively in direct address with constant and unmistakable eye contact. No one hides. We all see each other.

I love me some losers—black teeth lady, saggy titties, ugly toupee no-chin-man, white trash granny, big butt lady, balding fat belly man. These people make me want to cry. Losers still need love; I perform them with some deep affection. And assholes still need to be called assholes. When I skewer and lambaste jerks, I make them as ugly as possible. I love making them stand accountable for themselves through my body. I let myself get wild and nasty to make people uncomfortable, laugh, or get angry. To feel something. I incorporate humor into my art, even when it isn’t funny.

In performances and in my visual work, I use the extreme comic character of the clown to channel personal and cultural anxieties. Clowns can joyfully process embarrassing feelings because they don’t experience shame. They’ll do anything for love and if they fall on their face, they just bounce back up and keep frolicking forward. Straight into the Pits of Hell, LALALA!! Through clown, I celebrate becoming the loser of my choosing.